4/5/17 – From foam to rain

Up early, as promised, to go down to breakfast. As it was Mexican day again, the breakfast selection was a little different. Had my usual sausage, bacon, potatoes and quesadillas, as well as nachos with refried beans and taco rolls. Went to sun cream and were down at the pool before the bar even opened. Good start! Kel wanted to be in the shade, but I was determined to make the most of the sun and stay in it all day. Did a little bit of writing and then had to have a dip in the pool. It was far more refreshing than before, but probably just because it was early. Didn’t stop us from getting on the margaritas though. I did some reading, some sunbathing on the sunbeds in the pool and had three margaritas, then conceded to lunch.

Mash, rice, sauteed potatoes and beef fajitas. That’s a good lunch. After that, I hit more margaritas, more reading and wrote another short story. Then it was finally time for what we’d been waiting for all day. What luck to find out the night before that they were doing a foam party in the pool on our last day. As soon as they got the cannon set up, me, Kel and Daria were in the pool and ready. More people started piling in, so they got the cannon going, the music blaring and started throwing balloons and floaties into the pool. Oh my god, it was so much fun. Daniella and Gelisa were quick to join in when they got back from shopping. We all kept getting buried in the foam; it was so funny. Me, Kel and Gelisa tried a triple piggyback, but it really wasn’t successful. One of the entertainment guys was walking around the edge of the pool, pouring a bottle of tequila directly into people’s mouths. Thankfully, it was flavoured tequila – not like the straight stuff from Coco Bongos – so I happily went back for more.

We got out after the foam had mostly dissipated and they’d started some kind of aqua gym/pool zumba. Far too much exercise for a holiday. I already felt a bit knackered and all I’d been doing was bouncing up and down and playing with the foam. I went back to my sunbed for more reading and more margaritas instead. Determined to get the all-inclusive’s worth of alcohol. The oldies came back soon after and tried to convince me to go back in the pool for the last time. After Dad’s watch told him the water temperature was thirty-one degrees, I figured I’d pass. Not exactly refreshing. Plus my last dip in amongst the foam was certainly a memorable enough one.

Stayed out until the sun disappeared behind the hotel before going back to shower and get ready. Did a little Clannad in between and tried to help Kel with part of Zelda on her 3DS that she was stuck on. Not so easy to just Google walkthroughs when there’s no WiFi in the rooms. I wore my pineapple dress with the abs cut-out. Always best for the end of a holiday when you have a good tan, although it does require frequent minor adjustments to keep too much bra from showing. However, it didn’t feel like such a great choice when we got down onto the stairs and realised it was raining and blowing a gale. I had to half run towards shelter, because my hair obviously wasn’t straightened, meaning there was already extra threat of poofiness, and it’s one of those dresses you know will go see-through if it gets a bit too wet. None of this was helped by my heels. I also had to just let the bra ride up on show until I could get into the restaurant and take the time to rearrange. It sounds like a case of not dressing appropriately again, but I really hadn’t expected to do much walking other than around the buffet tables.

Last time of having my epic mash. So sad! Along with rice, pizza with refried beans, sauteed potatoes, beef fajitas, marinated pork chops, garlic bread and panga. It was so delicate that it didn’t even taste like fish – more like omelette. Because of the rain, the bar and entertainment area was rammoed. We managed to get a table right under the edge of the awning. The rain had stopped, but the air had cooled considerably and the wind had picked up quite a bit too. I was actually cold for the first time all holiday. And to make things worse, guess what the entertainment was for the last night? The sodding mariachi band again. They did the whole last song, lol jkz, we’re still doing more songs thing again too. I had to have tequila sunrises and margaritas to cope.

Came back to the room after the travesty was over. Maybe it should have been sooner, but it was our last night. We hit the James Corden in the room again. I was particularly more excited for this ep, as they had Terry Crewes as a guest and then Green Day as the live act. They played Still Breathing too, which is one of my favourites from the latest album. Better than the entertainment we had earlier. Not exactly the best send-off for our last night, but at least we’d had the foam party for that.

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Goodbye for another year, sun. Sob.

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28/4/17 – All the Canadians

For some reason, the oldies decided not to knock on for us for breakfast, so we ended up going down by ourselves and catching them just as they were leaving. Had the usual quesadilla, bacon, sausage, sauteed potatoes and nachos. I do love their nachos. We took up some prime positions by the pool – still in the shade, because it really is blistering hot here; I know, I’m ashamed of myself too – and I got my writing game on. Bust out three pages before getting highly distracted watching three girls playing Marco Polo in the pool with some little kids. We’ve only ever seen this game played in American movies, so it was highly entertaining to us.

One of the girls then expertly saved her drink whilst rolling out of the pool, so I told her it’s always a success as long as you haven’t spilt the drink. We then got talking to them, which lasted all afternoon. They were friends from Canada called Danielle, Daria and Gelisa. They were very funny and apparently very happy to have made new friends, as they posted on Snapchat. We got so carried away chatting that we missed the lunch slot entirely. Inconceivable! We hit the snack bar instead and I had some pulled chicken, chicken nuggets and chips. Very sophisticated, of course.

We opted out of more drinks for the afternoon, because we knew we had a heavy night ahead of us. The girls all sat in the pool for a while, so I sat on the edge with them with my notebook so that I could half write and half chat, which ended up being mostly chatting. Managed to get a little more done on the sunbeds before me and Kel conceded we should go back to the room to start showering, as we had to have an early tea before Coco Bongos. Said goodbye to the girls and went back to the room. Did the usual of squeezing in some writing between getting ready, so that I was only a page behind where I wanted to be.

We went back to the Mexican restaurant this time, since it only had scheduled sittings and going down earlier meant we were right on time for the first one. I had some oddly multi coloured nachos with their hot sauce, taco rolls, refried beans and beef tostadas. Still need to try their tortilla soul at some point, but I kept filling up on everything else. I had chicken fajitas for my main. Super yummy! We had a look at the pudding buffet, but weren’t too enamoured by it, so we decided to go over to the other restaurant and look at theirs. We spotted the oldies in there, so we sat with them whilst we had ice cream with strawberry sauce. Much better.

Kel had left her phone on charge and I didn’t want to take my phone out with my, so we went back to the room for a little bit before our bus was due so that we could switch. I also squeezed in that last page I wanted before we had to go down. I am never going on holiday during a NaNoWriMo event again. It makes it feel so much more like a chore to get the pages done, when sometimes I just want to read or sunbathe or watch Clannad instead. We got on the most air conditioned bus ever. In my tiny, pineapple playsuit, it was bloody freezing. We also had to sit on there for ages in the hotel drive, because there was a faff with a mother and daughter pair who had bought their tickets, but the daughter wasn’t old enough. Expensive tickets to not get refunded, but what did they really expect from a club? You need ID. That’s just how it works.

The first stop on our special little bar crawl was Senor Frog’s – one that amused me, as it had been on Impractical Jokers. Really nice, fun little bar with a live band playing and everything froggy themed. It was beach side too. Just a shame it was so damn windy – I spent the entire time having to push my hair out of my face. We got free cocktails and free shots there, as it was all-inclusive with our tickets. No idea what either of them were, but they were both drinkable. We then had some odd margarita/mojito mash-ups and made friends with a Canadian couple called Andrew and Alisha. Seriously, there are so many Canadians here. They tried out the oxygen bar where they plug tubes up your nose, so the oxygen helps the alcohol into your blood stream faster and gives you a natural high; plus it’s meant to make your hangover a lot better the next day. Safe to say, me and Kel were happy to just tackle all that the old fashioned way. Shoving anything up my nose didn’t sound like much fun. One of our rep people then had us standing up on our chairs to a very fast forwarded version of Macarena and then some House of Pain (what a tune). I’m all for dancing on chairs and tables, but it’s a little more terrifying in heels.

We then walked round to our next coach stop, chatting to Andrew and Alisha on the way. They rent a property with forty-one acres of land and apparently get deer and porcupines in their back yard, wow! Though apparently not so wow for their pitbull that just wants to eat everything. The coach took us to the next place, Salsanero. I was given a vile cocktail upon going in – tasted like soda water and a lot of alcohol. I quickly ditched that and got us some better margaritas instead. The music in here was a lot more Spanish. As the name suggests, clearly somewhere where you learn the proper dances, rather than just going to a club. We took our own entertainment in watching a guy in pink shorts, who was dancing around all goofily and totally looked like Murr from the back.

We didn’t seem to be in there long before being moved onto Coco Bongos, which was just across the road. We were given more cocktails as we went in. These ones tasted quite medicine-y, but were at least better than the weird soda water one. They suddenly became a lot more drinkable when we were given shots to down on the go as we were directed through, which turned out to be pure tequila. My gag reflex was certainly strong with that one and I had to glug a fair bit of my weird cocktail to recover. Those of us on the specific Coco Bongo tour had our own level, which the reps were trying very hard to lead us all too. Difficult when there’s so many of you in the group and the club is completely rammed, especially when I managed to lose sight of the guy in front. Thankfully, whilst I was looking all lost, one guy turned round and asked if I was on the tour too. When I said yes, he just grabbed my hand and dragged us both through all the people, right up until we got to our designated level. Bless. It was more hilarious when I spotted the pink shorts and realised it was non-Murr.

All of the little balconies overlooked the main stage and dance floor, with step-like levels so that more people could fit and still be able to see over everyone else. We couldn’t get onto one of the steps straight away, so we couldn’t really see anything, but then they suddenly released lots of sausage balloons and me and Kel entertained ourselves with those for a while, like the children that we are. Whilst Kel was then getting up on one of the steps that had become free, I was watching her and didn’t realise I was hitting non-Murr on the head with the end of my balloon. Thankfully, he found it funny and just gave it a shake.

Once we were on the steps, we decided to launch our balloons off the balcony like javelins. Well, Kel did. I tried to do the same and managed to hit one of the overhead speakers, so that it bounced back and landed in some guy’s face, who was clearly like ‘where the fuck did this just come from?’ He tried to javelin it too and hilariously, also bounced it off the speaker and it came right back to me, so I got another shot at it. On my second try, I finally managed to launch it off the balcony and into the crowd. The whole time, we had reps going round asking for our drink orders and delivering them right to us. We chose to stick to the margaritas all night.

Our visibility of the stage had been pretty limited until that point, but as the crowd started to thin out, we finally got to see what was going on. The crowd was huge – looked like what I imagine New Year’s Eve to be at a hugely televised American event. It was basically like being in a night club that stages a pop culture themed Cirque du Soleil. They had full dance performances of medleys from artists like Bruno Mars, LMFAO and Pitbull. Real choreographed dances too. Then they had staged fights and aerial acts between Jack Sparrow and Barbossa, Spiderman and Green Goblin, The Mask, and the guys from Tron. Tron acts always look so good because of the light-up suits, but their aerial work was something else. Serious highlight for us was when Satine came out n her trapeze to Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend, going into a whole little Moulin Rouge segment. Far too much love for that movie.

Our reps started directing us back outside before the club closed at three, so we headed back to a congregation point where we were all directed towards the right coaches. We got stuck with an insanely noisy group of Colombian girls. Now I’m all for appreciating Colombians, because they hella pretty, but these were just damn annoying. Two of them were from our hotel and trying to ask us what our room number was. Dodgy or what? Safe to say, we didn’t tell them anything. I was prepared to make up a fake number if we had to.

There was no question that we weren’t doing anything when we got back, other than going to bed. Personally, I was just glad to get rid of the heels, because it had been a very standing-only kind of night. Maybe next time, I’ll just stick to flats.

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This is not your average night club.

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