09/1/15 – The girls have been let out

It’s a new year and we’re off on the road again! Like an idiot I forgot my travel notebook this time. I brought three notebooks with me but none of them happen to be that one! But no matter, I figured for this girly four-day weekend I can just document things on my old BlackBerry for now. Praise the lord for Word To Go!

Got up fairly early and got ready, packed the last few things I needed, then headed out to pick up best cousin Sarah. She was very impressed that she go to go in my ‘posh’ car (oh yeah, I have a Mazda MX-5 now! Check me!) Got a little lost on the way to her flat because I have a horrible sense of direction unless I’ve been somewhere twenty-plus times, but a few phone calls later I managed to find it. As we were pulling up back at the house Kel was also doing the same, having picked up Auntie Ann and Auntie Helena. Our taxi then rolled up too. Great timing! Grabbed the cases, said bye to the dog and then all piled in.

We were dropped off on the high street on Kings Heath at our pick-up point. Me and Kel did a quick run down the road to Greggs like the classic Brits that we are. My first try of a sausage, bean and cheese melt was nicely successful. We claimed six of the back seats of the coach when it pulled up. It’s very cushy. Fold-out tables, lots of leg room and plenty of little hidey holes about the seats to hide all the parts of our picnic that we’d brought.

Only just got on the coach and we already have the sweets out AND fits of the giggles!

Only just got on the coach and we already have the sweets out AND fits of the giggles!

Felt like we’d barely been on the coach when we were pulling up at the services in Corley. Not exactly far from home. Grabbed some fruity Volvic and some yummy hot chocolate from Starbucks with Sar (they spelt my name right on my cup too, woohoo!) Back onto the coach – again not for long – and then we stopped off at Hopwood too. So basically a three-hour round trip to get to just outside of Birmingham, where we’d just come from. That’s logic for you.

When we got back onto the coach AGAIN we started up the picnic. Cheese and onion cobs, sausage rolls, posh M&S crisps and mini eggs. Not complaining about the crazy route now that we’ve gotten food out of it! Had an actual couple of hours this time before the next stop in Sedgemoor. I had to give in to buying some Red Bull this time (been trying to quit again but that never seems to last). It was so warm on the coach that I’d been in danger of falling asleep. Can’t afford to waste precious writing and/or nattering time!

As we rejoined the coach for our final stint we were told that we didn’t have to worry about our suitcases – they’d be delivered straight to our hotel rooms. We thought this was very fancy until we remembered that when we’d first loaded them onto the coach we’d forgotten to put our provided tags onto them, so in a panic we’d just put any tag onto any case. So the chances are we’re all going to get each other’s cases. Let’s hope our rooms are close together or we’re going to have to go trekking round to play swapsies.

We did some house window shopping once we got into Torquay. Some real weird-looking mismatched places! I started playing silly buggers and trying to tickle Auntie Ann’s head with the end of a phone charger and hilariously when she looked round the woman across the aisle pretended to apologise for it. Auntie Ann clearly then thought that must have meant they were friends so started chatting to her, whilst the rest of us were sniggering in the back.

We got our first views of the sea and the ‘English Riviera’ side of Torquay and then arrived at the Torbay Hotel. Straightaway me and Kel concluded that we’d gotten stuck with the reject room round the corner. It’s much smaller, the toilet doesn’t flush properly, the view’s crap and I found a woodlouse within minutes of being in there. Eek! May be going down the corridor and spending more time in the other two rooms.

After a while me and Sar started getting the giggles over some of the drama stories. We tried to style it out over a pretend game of footsie across the bed, then quickly escaped to one of the other rooms with Kel for a drink and our own gossip. Once the restaurant was open we retrieved the oldies and headed downstairs. Straightaway we could see that we’ve managed to end up on an old biddies weekend. We are genuinely the youngest ones here. Ah, this is going to be amusing…

Meals were included and we had a few choices for all three courses. I had a potato and leek soup to start, turkey with various potatoes and veg (which I obviously avoided) then a Belgian waffle. Not bad considering it was free! Had another cider, then the weirdest Cosmopolitan ever. Since when do Cosmos have tequila in them?! If you happened to read my blog posts from Greece last year you’ll know how much I hate tequila. Still drank it though of course. I’d paid for it, duh.

We moved into the ballroom to play bingo. Yes, that’s the equivalent of the night life here. And oh my god, it was like that episode of Impractical Jokers… Old people take bingo really, really seriously. None of us won anything, which was probably a good thing. I wouldn’t have put it past them to hold it against us! We seem to be looked down upon as we’re younger. After that was a cabaret act. I’m totally open for having a laugh but even I was like cringe at the cabaret woman. We did attempt to join in with a few of the songs. They played some Elvis in commemoration of what would have been his 80s birthday yesterday – respect for that; happy birthday, King! – and thanks to The Simpsons I know most of the words to Que Sera.

Had some more drinks and chilled to some 50s and 60s music for a while after the cabaret act had gone before retiring to the rooms. Had to open the window to air ours out for a little because it was roasting. Never expected to be lying around in my underwear in January! Here’s hoping that the entertainment tomorrow will be a little livelier…

Just smile, act normal, be quiet and maybe we'll fit in more...

Just smile, act normal, be quiet and maybe we’ll fit in more…

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